Said Every Blogger, Ever

Eye-catching statement that piques your interest; controversial and bold.

Just kidding!  I’m a really friendly blogger.  Plus, I have an awesome personality, and I have a really unique perspective on that statement- you’ll see.

I hope you’re still reading this.

See, I have a horrible day job, and the people I work with are assholes.  This blog is my pipe dream.  I secretly hope that one day, a famous publisher like you will search Google for amazing undiscovered bloggers, and there I’ll be.

You will notice my truly unique talent.  My style will absolutely wow you into contacting me.  After all, my content is engaging and informative.

I will get paid for blogging.  Something I’ve done will go viral, and I’ll be famous.

Book deal.

Yes, I’ll actually commit enough time to finish a book.  People totally want to read about my daily routine.  My life experiences are unique!  (Check thesaurus for “unique”- overused!)  Scratch that… sui generis.  My life is sui generis.

See, I’m intelligent as hell.

Plus, I’m ballsy.  By now, this post is basically forcing you to notice me.  After all, nobody has the skills I have.  I’m a golden goose, man.

You want serious?  I can do that too.

“And there, within the satire, dwelt the truth.  Her heart laid bare beneath an honest facade.  Every self-doubt glazed with humor.  That’s the way it had to be.  Without fear, her style was simply words.”

If that didn’t seal it, I’m not sure what will.  You might as well quit reading.  That last bit took every ounce of creativity I had left.  I’ll need eight cups of coffee just to replace it.

You still there?

You’re a rebel.  Nice.  That means you’re willing to take risks.  We would work well together.  You should sign me.

Or at least follow me.

Tweet me.

Like me.

Something!

Now I sound like I’m begging.  I’m sorry.  I’ll wrap this up.

Amazing, ironic concluding sentence.

Sui generis, man.

Sui generis.

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