I Raped Myself

He said it, so it must be true.

Everything he said was true.  Nobody else liked me.  Nobody else could love me.  Nobody else saw me as worthy.

“Do what I tell you, or else.”

The or else was a scary thought, so I did what I was told.

He paid for my lunch.  He drove me around.  He did me favors.  So, I owed him.

He never let me forget it, either.  I tried to leave.  I tried to get out of his mandated obligations.  I tried to just disappear, and hope he would forget me.

Sometimes, I thought it was working.  I could walk by him, and he wouldn’t acknowledge me.  He wouldn’t even give me that look of disgust.

Did that make me free?

I wasn’t sure.  Before I had a chance to understand true freedom, he was back.  He apologized his way back into power.  He disguised his dictatorship as democracy.

I bought my own lunch one day.  I realized how little I paid for it when I used money.

I asked for help.  More like, a definition.  I was told that I deserved my situation.  I was told there was no definition.  I was given the “get up and move on” speech.

Did everybody agree that I was worthless?

Or, did my own belief in my worthlessness give others the right to treat me that way?

When he said I owed him, I paid.  The payment felt exactly like or else.

He doesn’t deserve my favors.

I buy my own lunch now.

 

~Post from 2014.  In response to a prompt.

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Interview With A Guardian Angel

As I’ve said before, I’ve had a few failed blogs.  However, I decided to bring back a few popular posts, and give them new life.  I hope you enjoy this one; it was a response to a contest for a humorous interview.

 

We all have one.  Unless you’re my dad- then you have five.

Guardian Angels.  Those invisible -almost forgettable- creatures we bless with a lifetime of mini heart attacks.  Oh, the stories they could tell!

Being the lucky, fictional journalist that I am, I happened to run into one at the local Starbucks.  His name was confidential, so he told me to call him Joe.

Joe agreed to a short interview.  I hope you enjoy getting to know him as much as I did.

Me:  Joe, thank you for agreeing to talk to me today!  I have always wanted to learn more about Guardian Angeling.  Is it Angeling?  Or Guarding Angelicaly?

Joe:  Actually, we just call it guarding.

Me:  Got it.  So, tell me about your job.  What’s it like?  How did you get started?

Joe:  Well, we’ve modernized quite a bit.  Back when it was just, you know, Adam, Cain, and the rest of the old crew, all we had to worry about was snakes and rocks.  Now, you’ve got falling buildings, machine guns, drugs, riots, and all sorts of people with no common sense.

Me:  Forgive me, but that just put an image of something like the Matrix in my head.  Like, slow-motion bullets whizzing by.  Is it anything like that?

Joe:  Sort of, just without the sunglasses.

Me:  (I was disappointed about the sunglasses)  So, you have been guarding since the beginning?

Joe:  You could say that.  There isn’t really a beginning or end for us.  We just are.

Me:  My job can feel like that too, some days.  Who’s the hardest person you’ve ever been assigned to?

Joe:  Jonah.  Hands down.

Me:  YOU were with Jonah?!  Why was it so hard?

Joe:  First off, I hate fish.  Also, I’m claustrophobic.  I know the story says he was swallowed by a giant fish, but the stomachs of those things are surprisingly small.

Me:  I guess I never thought about it.

Joe:  Yeah.  So there I am, sitting in a stomach, which by the way is full of half-eaten fish, and I’m trying to make sure this guy doesn’t get digested before we get to Ninevah.

Me:  Sounds like a mini torture chamber.

Joe:  Felt like it.  Anyways, that wasn’t even the worst part.  We’ve been sitting there for days, and then God decides that this thing needs to throw us up!  I thought the stomach was small… try being squeezed out the throat of a fish like the last bit of toothpaste.  And we didn’t have showers back then.

Me:  I’ve suddenly lost the desire to eat my sandwich.  I guess that whole experience could make an angel resent the person they’re guarding.

Joe:  We aren’t perfect.  We get frustrated.  Like with Jonah, I knew he could have avoided all of that by just doing what he was asked to do.

Me:  I can see where that would be frustrating.  You see someone disobeying, and bringing all of this hardship on themselves, and you’re thinking they could have avoided it all by just listening.

Joe:  Exactly.  But, we’re still there when people are stubborn.

Me:  Lucky for me!  So, I know a lot of people wonder why bad things happen.  I mean, don’t guardian angels prevent bad things?  How come sometimes you guys save us, and sometimes you don’t?

Joe:  That’s a tough question to answer.  I guess I could see where you can take it that way.  Remember, we aren’t here just to protect you physically.  And I can’t control you.  There’s also always more to a situation than you realize.  Like, say you fall off your bike and break your leg.  Sounds like a bad day, right?  But what if I told you my job was to keep you from turning left at the last intersection so you wouldn’t get hit by a bus?  You never know what we’re protecting you from.

Me:  So, on my bad hair days, where I’m cursing my curling iron, that could be you making me just late enough to avoid some major accident?

Joe:  It’s possible.

Me:  Interesting.  Now, I don’t know if you can answer my next question, but I have to ask.  What is Heaven like?

Joe:  Hmmmmm.  I can’t really give out details.  Plus, it’s something you really just need to see for yourself.  But it’s like this.  Imagine you really love Legos.  Whenever you get the chance, you buy a new little set, and go home and play with them.  It’s the best feeling in the world.  Then one day, when you’re very old, and have collected tubs and tubs of Legos, you die.  You have to leave them all behind.

So you’re sad, because, you know, you can’t take what you love with you.  But, Heaven is like Legoland.  Only better.  Because not only do you get to be in Legoland for the rest of your life, but you get to live in the house of the guy who invented them.  And nobody will ever make you put them away.

Me:  And I’m assuming Hell would be where Legos go to be stepped on?

Joe:  (Chuckles)  Somewhat.

Me:  Well, if that’s what Heaven is like, I know my grandpa is very happy.  Ok, Joe, I only have one more question for you.  I know you probably have some guarding to get to.

Joe:  Ok, fire away.

Me:  Ok.  So, you get around quite a bit.  You’ve seen pretty much everything.  If there was one thing you could say to humans, what would it be?

Joe:  Hmm…..  That’s a good question.  Let me think for a second.

Me:  Take your time.

Joe:  I guess… I guess it would be this.  I see a lot of people who don’t believe in God.  For whatever reason, they think their lives are much better without Him.  I just want you to know that He’s still watching you.  You still have a chance to go to Legoland.  And don’t put off getting to know Him.  If anyone knows how quickly a life can end, it’s a Guardian Angel.

Me:  Wow.  Thank you, Joe.  That was powerful.

Joe:  Of course.

Me:  I’m going to let you go.  But real quick, who do you think will make the Superbowl this year?

Joe:  It’s not really fair to ask me, since I know who all will be injured this season.  I’m a Cheifs fan myself, so I’m hoping they make it.

Me:  Really…?  Why?

Joe:  To restore people’s faith in miracles.

Me:  Well, that’s a reason, I guess.

And that was it!  By the time I had thrown out my five-dollar coffee cup, and turned around to thank him for his time, he had gone.  I’m sure he had some very interesting work to do, and some very interesting people to guard.

Or, maybe he just wanted to get back to his Legos.